My Computer is Sick

I have been struggling toget 3 or 4 minutes on my pc.
Its slowed and on its last legs.
I have to restart it every few seconds and drives me crazy.
I just want to wish my internet friends a merry Christmas in case my computer doesnt make it for repairs.
Im sorry to be missing out on my blog friends activity.
Hopefully it wont take to much cash and time to fix it. If its got to be replaced then Im in big trouble.
Peace be with you this Friday and always.

For Gledwood

You may already have seen this lil guy.He sure is a very sweet talkative lil Indian Ring Neck paraqueet.

Where Have all the Twinkies Gone?

Hostess use to sell Twinkies and Snoballs and other goodies but went bancrupt.

 Now

 a box of  Twinkies on Ebay is 17.99 ridiculous! Its so strange that ppl will spend that much money when they only used to cost a couple dollars for a box.

I miss Twinkies but Ill live.Nothing I got on Ebay is selling not even my Marilyn Monroe memorabilia.I should have been prepared and loaded up on Twinkies to have some holiday shoping money.

Theres my ex hubbys freind.

He likes to drink but didnt have any money so I took him home and asked him if he can mop all  3 rooms of mine and I will let him drink as much as he wants.

Hes different.Alcohol makes him energetic and keeps him busy.

My last almost a bf was married and I found out and got all upset over it.Oh well.cant win em all.

At least my apartment is sparkling clean thanks to my new mr wonderful. We are just friends not more then that. He has no interest in dating after 2 long marriages and I think I might retire from dating to at least for a while.

The cute lil birdie on his shoulder is a sun conure who can really hit a high note when hes screeching. 

He named the bird Baretta after the show.

Tomorrow I am going to un wind with a very long hot bath and drink my tea and read in my bath tub.

I like to indulge in a beauty day once a week to pamper myself.

My bath room floor is so shiny I better not forget to put the bath mat back. Everything is nice and clean and I will be all curly tomorrow when Im finished with bath.I wash my hair before and dry it and then I put the curlers on and with the hot dampness  by the time Im out of the tub my hair will be all beautiful curls.

Hostess Twinkies !!!!! Will drive them to you, bonus items included!!! (twinkie) See original listing Item condition: New Ended: Nov 24, 2012 14:56:05 PST Price: US $7,000.00 Shipping: FREE Economy Shipping

Life is but a Dream for My bugerlugs and My Gledwood

Abe Lincoln said A person is only as happy as they make up there mind to be.I m not sure if thats the exact words but its the exact meaning.

I loved that quote and tried to live by it.

He looks so serene in every pix I seen of him. He looks so sensible like a very patient and understanding man. I see kindness written all over his face.

I wish I had that tatooed on my hand because I know very well that I am my worst enemy and how miserable Im able to make miself.

Drinking in the day time will always make me more sad. It makes all my problems worse. But now and then I guess I get bored and settle for misery as a change.

Happiness is a gift. Its something you have to grab and keep preshious because it is impatient doesnt linger around and will travel out of your grasp the moment you dont pay attention to it.

It knows how preshious it is and it knows what hearts accept it readily and who will savor it most.

You cant be passive or indifferent to it.

You either pursue it as it loves you to or let it go.

It doesnt stay long enough for you to decide.

Happiness is this good bacteria that can grow on you and raise  a down cast mouth so high you wont recognize yourself in the mirror.

Its the best drink in the world. The kind you hold in your glass long and just take sips savoring and showing it complete appreciation.

The further away it races from you the longer it takes to charm it back.

It does not come in bottles of any kind. It wont be contained its to free spirited and can be very generous if you show it some respect.

It wants to be wanted.

And I want it and its come to me for as long as I can sincerly hold it.

Happiness is like a good hooker she knows what you want and gives more than you bargained for. Like a good hooker she knows when your done with her and moves on imediatly.No good byes or thanks because she will never reveal her face even if she had one.

But shes free of charge. Shes there for the taking.
Try to buy her and you offend her so deeply she may stay far away. 

Reach out and grasp her the very second she floats your way.

Remember she is the ultimate seductress but always honest.

When you tire of her she flees away so fast you dont recall ever geting aquainted.

Embrace her every minute of your lives. Treat her kindly and she will stay with you and what a partner she is!.

Just keep this spirit always close by and learn to love it even when you tire of it.

Wishing you peace and all good things.

Monday Morning Motivation in a Song

Loving Myself a Beginner's Guide

Learning to love myself has been a pre occupation of mine since a very early age.

A point of crisis was age 14. My disliking myself was at my own all time high. I cried when ever I looked in the mirror. I was heart broken by the image staring back at me.

I was in my first  year in high school and my last year.

I had no friends.

I got my matches out and went in to my mothers drawer and took her couple of her bobby pins.

They where metal and I got them very hot with the flame of the matches and I held it to the flesh of my fore arm.The pain brought tears to my eyes.Yet there was some thing satisfying about it.

I believed at the time that physical pain would erase my  emotional pain.

Some girls took long baths or polished there toe nails and I did this.

I knew it was wrong and abnormal but that didnt matter to me. 

I was in a strange mental state. I thought the burns where beautiful. I thought I was making a bracelet for myself that never needed polishing.

The bobby pin burns where nearly white and puffy against the redness of the surounding skin.

I took deep deep breaths with each press against the skin. But I found it pleasurable.

Eventually it led to buying cigarettes and lighting them and holding them against my arm. The pin was a little intense but I found I had a pretty high pain thresh hold.I tried smoking them but did not get much from it.

I remember being with a college boy and he asked me was I a sadist or a masochist. I didnt know what the words meant and I asked my dad and told him the question the boy asked me.He got a very confused expression and he got angry so I looked up the words in a dictionary.

Apparently there was a name for this. 

I wanted scars. I wanted scars to show in the future that my life had been pain full. So I put rubbery tape on them infection will cause deeper scarring.

This was so many years ago in another life. 

You could smoke back then in places. I lifted my sleeve and showed my new friends what I was up to.

We hung out. And drank. I was drunk one night when I grabbed a hand full of napkins and put them on the table with my friends and started a table top fire. They stared and the nice manager came and extinguished it with out asking me to leave or even scolding me/us. He was young himself and always smiled to us. I usally got the right ppl and took what ever they offered as long as it was free.

Mostly they where pot and the first couple times it did a job on my head and I got suspicious and paranoid. Later on it relaxed me but I didnt feel any need for it. Coke was offered at bars and all it did was make me talk a mile a minute.The only chemical consoling I got was alcohol.

Im glad that I never sought mental peace any more from pains and burns As I grew up.

My arms are marked up but when I am real tanned its very hard to see them but maybe it has the purpose of reminding me to like myself a little more.

Over Reacting on a Thanks giving with no Thanks

My Crème caramel.

I used the wrong name in my yesterdays post got glass splinters in it.Thrown out.                     I am a shamed of  how upset I got.

I was systems down last night when I mis named this desert.Any way it had to be thrown out.No sense in any bodys throat getting slashed by glass. 

Here is my stuffing all from scratch that destroyed most of Thanksgiving sides by exploding.

Come to think of it I am thankful cause the exploding glass dish shards could easly have darted in to my eyes.

I apologized to ex hubby. It was my own fault.

Im sorry to have spent the day solem & sad in stead of thankful.

 I guess my spirits ar still sunk to the bottom.I had Corona and migraine pills since i woke up.

So god night and good dreams to you.

Some Bodys Getting Drunk Tonight

Thanksgiving went to ruins.
It went to ruins at my ex hubbies kitchen.
He had the turkey and a list of things to cook for us and for some of his friends.
I was up since 5am.I used 5 tea bags and got the most caffeine out of them.
I began to cook the stuffing at 11 am.
To me the stuffings the most important.
Hubby and friends went to the park for hours cause it was a beautiful mild day.
I am venting,
I am angry.
Ex hubby left me to cook the turkey.The stuffing.The apple pie.The mashed poatos.The Creme brulee.
I wont and cant go in the details.
But alls left is the turkey.
Mash potatos gone.Creme Brulee gone.Stuffing gone.
Thanks be the turkey was okay.I remembered a little box of frozen peas and that is what we 5 of us shared.
Could have been better.Could have been worse.
But Im angry at my ex hubby for giving me a lenthy list of to-cooks and enjoying his day with buddies at the park with me frantic in a kitchen I wanted to be perfect.
I told him If theres one rambuctious drunk disturbing my sleep.Its going to be ME. Not you! Me!
Cause he enjoyed a day at the park while I rattled a round struggling with his lists of menu.
Im so sad. Im also angry.
It could be worse I know.
But why did it have to happen on a day of giving thanks?
So now Im just thankful Im here and semi rational but hysericly sad and disappointed.
Ill explain a nother day. 
God please give mercy this angry unappreciative spirit that I am tonight.
 I do not deserve your mercy still I ask.

Love is a Risky Affair

I prepared my ex hubby so he will understand that I am involved with some body else.

Ex hubby says hes been eyeing a gal himself and he does not feel be traded by my involvment.

Be for I told him I brouht the cloths I washed. I did not feel up to soaking them and scrubing them in my bath tub. I felt week and sick so I brought them to the laundrymat and draged the bags home and hung them all over the place to dry.

I want ex hubby to know may be I will be washing a nother mans cloths some day.

I was glad to hear ex hubby has interest in some one else

 and may be some day she will be responsible for washing his cloths.

I met Alex and he was hungry and wanted to know if we can split a Subway sandwich. Yes I said and I told him what ssize i like and what topings I would like on it.

We didnt have enough money so we got a smaller one and I gave him my 2.75 for my half.

He went to get it.He didnt want me to come with him. He took a long time but the sangwich was good and it was worth the wait.

We got in my apt and ate it.He got shifty and put his hand on my knee while he played pocket pool. I told him I was not ready for that yet.

So he left and I walked with him to the bus stoop. I had a ring I grabbed from home and asked him to put it on my finger.He said What for?I told him I cant do it.He put the ring on my finger and then I relaxed. I want to pretend where married before we get to the next step.

I am taking a risk in loving him.Im not sure if it will work out but Im not in a hurry and I want to date any how.

A Place with Dirty Ash Trays and Crusty Dishes

I was working for this dining place.It was owned and run by 2 elderly ladies.
One of the elderly ladies croshayed shawls and halters and blouses.She also knit cute dolls and puppets.
I remember feeling bad but I stold two hand made shirts costing 50 together.I figured I can pay her when I have money.
These hand made items where for sale all over the restarant.But  in the back of the restarant she had small plastic furniture for children and those same knitted dolls and puppets to play with.
I volunteered therenot knowing what the place was really for.
I never saw peopl eat there just hang a round. Even thouh you cant smoke in public places .She had ash trays and popouri and sachets all over to disguise the smoking.
The other lady was Greek and proud of her hertage and she had some Greek stuff scattered a round the place.
It was not clear to me what I was voluntering there for.Some times I ansered the phone and the Greek lady scolded me and told me not to.She said I can use the public phone and for free.
Finally when it was more busy I saw that lots of older guys hung out there and talked but it did not seem that they served any alcohol.
I notice a young guy working there and his gf. He did not do much.He sat a lot.
Then he would pick up a plate or bowl here and there and dump some of the ash trays in the garbage and sit again.
Seeing all the over flowing ash trays I started to empty them and I saw they had a sink but no dish soap. So I washed the ash trays with cold water.Thye had no hot water. And I placed them back clean & shiney and then I brought the crusty dishes and bowls to the hired guy and he said he just washed them.
I got upset and I took every dirty dish to the sink and began washing when he came over and said that he will do it .He will re wash them.
His girlfriend was giving him an argument because she wanted him to take her out and he said he had to do his work.
I started feeling sorry for the owners because it seemed like this busness was really there life not a sourse of income.
I got more busier trying to clean the place.I saw cigarettes on the floor by the sink and by nearly every table and picked them up.This just went on and on.And the hired guy was geting more crabby by all the cleaning that need to get done.
Then I find out the lady who knits the dolls is not hppy with my cleaning. I took ash trays out of the childrens play area and she wanted them put back.She said the parent some times sit down and watch the children and they need the ash trays.
Also the Greek lady knew a guy at the radio station and where hiring a band and would be broadcast on the radio and they would get lots of busness for that event.
Then I woke up because it was geting very weird to me.