Cloudy in the Head

I have not gotten much sleep lately. I wake up 3 or 4 times a night and stay up a few hours and try to get more sleep.
Yesterday I dusted and swept my place & keep myself busy. Its so cold I been cooking to warm up the place.
My stomache has not been feeling good and my appetite is gone till dinner time.
I stoped drinking tea. I figured I am nervous enough.
I feel slugish in the head. If you ask me some thing.It takes me 5 minutes at least to find an answer and words to express it right.Not spontaneous.
I can do barely anything. My cloths are dirty.

My ears and nose and fingers are freezing.
The hall is 53F. I put my big pot of soup out there because it wont fit in my frigerater.

I feel frustrated because I am confused.
When I was done making & eating dinner I emptied my dishes and was very surprised to see I had drunk two bottles with out noticing.
And I wondered if they where left over from the night before.

                                                                                                                                                   

Snow and Vertigo

A week or maybe more ago I was down stairs at my neighbors and petting her dog.
Every thing began spining a round.
It felt weird. And scarey.
I told the neibor I had a migraine. Its more easier to explain a migraine.
I was there helping the girl pick a dress o go to a club. When I held out the one I liked she says. I want to look slutty not daft.I said just where what you want.
Then I kneeled down to pet her dog when the room started spining a round.
Lucky I was real close to the door. The door 
All I had to do was turn the knob and crawl up the stairs but I just couldd not do it. I had this jolt of im balance that came out of no where.
Doggie knows somethings wrong. Doggie kknows me well. I bring left overs to him.
He notice I stopped petting and am struggling to find the door knob with out looking. My eyes where no use to me. I shut them.
The girl asks whats wrong? Migraine.
I am still kneeling but I find the door knob and turn it.
I feel so hot. On the stair way I take off my jaket and my sweater.Just a t shirt.I panicked.I got scared but the cool stair way helped. I held mmy head firm against the cold wall. I know the best thing is not to move my head.
When I cool off and my heart slows down I crawl slow up the 16 steps. Im praying and I only want to reach my bed. When I reach my bed I will feel safe.
Guys use to tell me they feel safe with me. Is it because Im big? I usew to wonder why they use the word safe. I should have asked.
Little by little I make my way to the bed. Once on it I stretch out.I hold my head very still. The carosel keeps going and I went to get out of it and back in to my world again where I feel safe.
I had 5 attacks of vertigo in a week. They come out of no place.Theres no warning or way to predict when it will happen.
I called the doctor but told him I cant come there so he tells me to hold my nose and blow and try to pop my ears. I try anc cant and he says I have fluid in the inner ear.
I stay in bed as much as possible. I dont drink tea or any caffeine because these can heighten the sense of im balance.
The meclizine Antivert doesnt help me. Actually makes it worse. I get blurry vision
I was feeling very depressed and non productive  and agoraphobic.
I dont want to go out and crawl on all 4s on the side walk. I dont want cops comming to ask if Im drunk .I dont want to be arrested for public drunkeness when Im not drinking but it will appear that Im drunk or drugged.I get to confused by the carosel to explain anything and I will just lie and say I have a migraine if I get questioned. I stay in the house so long Im not use to leaving any more.
Reliable hubby gets me the medicine I wrote down on a peace of paper. I want benedryl and phenylephrine. 
Thank you God it begins to work. I start having days where my ears will pop.
I make lists of stuff I need and give him the oney for. All I have eaten was Swansons broth with brown rice.I try not eating any thing with salt because it causes fluid retention and I want dry ears.
Theres less days where Im on the merry go round.
I take the medicine every 4 hours punctual. I dont like missing a single dose.
The phenylephrineis a decongestant that shrinks blood vessels in nasal passages that can cause congestion.
Phenylephrine is used to treat nasal and sinus congestion or congestion of the tubes that drain fluid from the inner ear. The Eustachian.
I got better. I still take the medicine when I feel un steady.
My ears do feel dryer.
But Saturday and Sunday I feel all recovered and walk in 3 feet of snow which is weird.I had to take out the trash but I didnt know the garbage men arent working on con of storm Nemo.
The snow is fun and I feel like a kid. A big one. I oly come in when my legs start getting numb.The snow comes up to my calfs.
I am feeling better and hopefull again.Thank you God.