3/28/13

When People say You Have Nothing

I hear this so much.You dont have anything. or behind my back she does not have anything.
I think to much when I hear that. I dont think any one else can tell if you have lots or little. When I feel happy and loose and at ease and confident. I think I have much more then ppl who like to say that.
I have a valuble new day and freedom to do any thing I like with it.
If I dont feel I can serve a purpose I feel like I have nothing. That is when I feel poor.
Being surounded by antiques or fine paintings woud not do anything to make me feel a void is feeled or feel rich.
I will feel like if I had lots of expensive posessions that I done nothing to deserve them. I would lie to myself and think I am worth as much as the dollar value of these things.
When I got married ppl said my hubby had nothing. They dont know he has a great sence of humor. He has a charm when his face is all lit up with his smile.Or when he winks its priceless.
They just thouht he dont have nothing.

3/1/13

Fussing on Friday

I saw Jungle Book from the 40s.The scenery was so beautiful. Pretty brook and white doves flying out there nest. It made me wonder if Heaven is more beautiful than that. It must be.The set of Jungle Book  was man made and the ideas are limited to the human mind and we only can copy what we seen from God.Gods imagination is lots diferent. God is the greatest creator the best desighner. I have been dreaming about what Hes done in Heaven. My imagination is limited to what I've seen in nature. He must have an all together diferent Nature upstairs.
I feel tired all week. May be my drinking is out of  control. Even if I get myself stimulated in the head it doesnt spread to my body so I can accomplish any thing besides mandatory drugery. I havent done nothing.
I want to but I have no energy. Even 2 tea bags dont get my feet going.
A few days ago was the first time in may be a month that I went out side.
I was worried about geting vertigo on the street and maybe picked up by police. During an attack I cant explain a lot. Im to busy trying to calm myself down and get to a still lying position. I feel a little better now but I still needed a drink to go out side. I had to mail a package to a buyer from ebay. I should of wraped the package before I drank because I sent her the wrong stuff.
Im going to buy some food toady and I feel nervous about going out and having vertigo.
May be thats why Im not doing nothing. Because I been cooping myself all up and thats depressing.
I know it will take some patience but I will work on being less nervous out side.
I lost confidence with those vertigo spells. I dont want anyone seeing me crawl around when I loose my balance.
Peace and all good things to you this Friday and always.




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