It Didnt Have To End This Way

I feel a restlessness waking up.I want to do something but not anything.Something which would tire me out.

Something  which will take all my focus and concentration.

I stretch so many times a day after I'm awake. I stretch each time as though just risen from bed.

I have energy. I want. I want. I want.

I want answers.

I want to know what time he left. What he was thinking.Why he paniced.

I didn't know him well at all. Brief conversations with a man I never saw.

When he left he took everything with him.

I guess he never went to bed that night. He just died.

By morning there was nothing left. Ashes and smoke.

His body would have been cold if he had not had himself cremated.

Did he really plan all this? Did he really think? Was he just doped and unclear? If he had made these plans sober then I feel maybe a little relieved. That this is what he truly had wanted.

Im afraid this was all haste and confusion and hysteria.

I dont know enough to understand.

It was a secret.

I wonder if his home became his prison? Why would he take it all down and disappear without a trace of ever having existed on this planet?

I really wonder about his last thoughts.. Did he know what he was doing.

I know he had a fear of Monday morning and became drunk. He paniced.

The rest is what he took away with him.

He was coherent.

I never spoke to him when he was incoherent and that is probably when he was more open about his intentions.

Good bye my friend. I wish I knew you better. I was curuious about you.You seemed so good. And kind.
I know you were misplaced and had no place to go but where you did.
I hope you are finally where you wanted to be.
With only love embracing you.