Prayer of Saint Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life

My Mother was...

What ever she was.

May be Blondes Do have More Fun

I was walking down the street Saturday night feeling lonesome.I seen a few guys I knew laughing and walking tords me.I was feeling frisky & fresh.They where all smiles.They where drinking beer.I had a couple cups of Coke.
Any ways I just showered and shaved my legs and paintd my finger nails.I had my hair cut shorter and with a redish brown rinse in it.I was all perfumed and made up and wearing my jewlry.I felt like a million bucks.
We played tag.Where we chase each other.We was running a cross the street and hiding behind cars and having fun.But one of the guys had some thing going on in him.His pants where showing all kinds of emotions.I figured he was looking for trouble so I ran faster a way from him.I was wearing panty hose and I got a run right under the panty part.Then I fel and my arm hurt and it was all scraped up.May be my new hair color is less fun then the blonde color.
It was geting late.It starts geting dark around 8 pm now.I know the guys pretty well but I was very mad at the one with the emotional pants.I talked to him about what happened and he apologized and said he had no idea that he was turned on.So I forgave him.
After checking out my scrape the boys walked me home in the dark.They felt bad about my arm and when we passed the liquer store they got me a cheap bottle of wine to make me feel better.
I got mellow drinking the wine.They asked me to play basket ball next Saturday night.I think they want me because Im tall.
My scrape is much better with iodine I been puting on it.

Fervently Friday

I have no favorite saint.I dont think its right to choose only one.
But I have prayed for nearly a decade to Saint Elizabeth who I think is the patron saint of those who are falsely accused.
If Im mistaking the patron saint of the unjustly acused.Then some one up there likes me :)
I love the words of Saint Francis of Assisi whose fond of nature and animals. A man with his words must have a very gentle heart.
In Italian language the word bird (uccello) and the word for sky (cielo) sound very similar.
Youchehloh thats bird and cheloh is sky. When I was in foster care with my Italian parents I dwelled to much may be the relationship between the two words. I had been with them ages 4-9 until my parents got custody again.I mentioned before that I enjoyed the Italian language that its very simple with definite spelling rules.English is confusing with the looseness of its spelling.Like weiht and wait and and sigh and sign.No H in sign.

Please enjoy this enchanting peace of St Francis writing~

Praised be You my Lord with all Your creatures,
especially Sir Brother Sun,
Who is the day through whom You give us light.
And he is beautiful and radiant with great splendour,
Of You Most High, he bears the likeness.

Praised be You, my Lord, through Sister Moon and the stars,
In the heavens you have made them bright, precious and fair.

Praised be You, my Lord, through Brothers Wind and Air,
And fair and stormy, all weather's moods,
by which You cherish all that You have made.

Praised be You my Lord through Sister Water,
So useful, humble, precious and pure.

Praised be You my Lord through Brother Fire,
through whom You light the night and he is beautiful and playful and robust and strong.

Peace be with you this Friday and always.

Boop-Oop-a- Doop

Marilyns exterior was soft and so was her speech.
The dumb blonde was really very smart. Her IQ was 168.John Kennedys was 129.Any points above 150 is considered highly gifted.
'Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you $50,000 for a kiss and 50c for your soul.'
This is you☆ Gledwood.
Under the fluff and the perfect smile was a disturbed soul.She was serious and determined to perfect her acting. Being fatherless she dated much older men.
One of her quotes~'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.'
She wore glasses and owned over 400 books.She read only a few pages and could get the idea of the book.
She was unhappy with the public only falling in love with her beauty.She wanted more fulfilling apreciation.
Below with Joe Dimaggio. The one person who would do any thing for her including geting her out of an insane usylum after her psychiatrist had her commited and placed in a padded room alone.
'There must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming a movie star. But I'm not going to worry about them. I'm dreaming the hardest.'

it's like being a book without a cover . . .

Bugerlugs is a special and giving & kind lady that I admire and feel for when shes unhappy.She got a gift for words and self expression and I hate any one trying to break her.
She said bloging is like being a book without a cover.See how sweet but powerful her words are.I love my Lil Bugerlugs.

I know her Geekster & Hampers will see her throuh this painful time and defend her and set those jerks straight.
Any way shes touched and become a part of my life.Shes like a sister I always wished I had.We are oceans a way but she writes her blog and you feel you known her always.
I worked hard for every grain of confidence I now have after that scandal where he wanted me arrested.It is to shameful to detail and i want to forget it.
For the past few years I found peace I was always searching for.
The rocky paths I walked throuh so much I smoothed the road.
Im also grateful that Im out of that long deep tunnel of sadness even dispair at times.
I have come to love me weiht and all.I have achieved what I always longed for which is peace.
I know reality.Im bound to meet more grief in the future that is a part of living.No life is complete with out every emotion.
There arent any lives spent perfectly happy & peaceful.At least there are things that can help in crisis.
I keep you very closly in my prayers Bugerlugs.xOXoXo.Always & forever.

Dont Take it Home with You

When I go to the grocers and the post office and even when I am just walking around there are nasty snobish ppl.

Nasty ppl give me dirty looks when I smile to them.Some nasty ppl even make rude comments to me. I dont care.I dont take those bad vibes home with me.I leave them where they belong.And they remain out side of my life.I learned not to absorb it.

If I get real mad. I will tell off the ppl who are rude to me but usally it passes me right by.I know that the worse way to be little some one rude is by laughing at there remarks but Im not a faker and cannot pull that off.Plus if I did that I will be a part of the argument.Let them argue with there conshense.
Any way Im going to return my empties & buy some wine and food.Later my eldest sister promised to pick me up and my laundry so I can wash and dry it at her house.My apt is a mess.I washed cloths and bed linens at the laudrymat last night and brouht them home damp to save some $$$.So I have cloths hanging from bureau drawers from cabinets from door knobs.It looks like Halloween here with all the sheets I have hanging all over like ghosts.

Forgive me Friday

Life is funny even with good intentions I manage to louse things up.
I bouht seafood online.I was specific about the day I needed it and will be home to recieve it.
I told the guy I wanted it Friday.He promised me if I paid for spec service I get it that day by the end of the day.This order cost almst 50 dollars! 
It is parishable food.
The fedex guy did not bother opening the door and ringing the right door bellHe left the fish on the step to my apt. building where any body passing can steal it.
I woke up today at 1 30 am.I got online to track it and  I seen it was delivered at 4.27 pm Thursday.Like the fool that I am I ran down to the step with a garbage bag in case the frozed crab cakes is melting with stinking water.It was not there.
I been disputing with this man.I told him I live in a crappy area and theres a bus stop in front of my bldg.
I told him all this before I ordered.When I called him about not geting it I he did not ask for my name or ord#.He knew it was me he remembered my worry about the date.
I vent through this blog.It helps.What ever helps is good.
On the tracking it read no signature req.left on front porch.Theres no front porch just a step leading to the coridor where the buttons to each apt is.
Im still waiting to get a phone call from him.I guess I wait and see and may be he makes good on his promise.
Time to calm down.
Monday I went with an old neigbor to our old neighborhood where a religious lady gossiped dirty lies to our neighbors & church group.Its been 11 years lets forgive & forget & then we can move on.
She told the neigbors and the church group where we where members to pray for us for our dirty sins.She was going to Catholic church meetings & Baptist and Russian Orthodox and then also the Jehovah Witnesses.All these religions but she had no shame about her lying.
Any way we paid her a nice visit.She asked why we never came sooner.She offered rhubarb cake home &made juice and chocolate chip cookies. She showed me gifts from me I forgot giving.It was nice.I just want to move on.
I try thinking with reason and not temperment.
That was the happy part of my week.
To look in the eye of my enemy.Former enemy and make peace.
Have a great weekend.Peace be with you this Friday and always especially when you need it most.

Aint No Sun Shine When He was Gone

I was in the back seat and I took this pic.Can you tell he was feeling sexy by his look?I did and I remember the car pulled over and he climbed a cross the seat.
I can make out that he smoked Kools.I forgot if I didnt see the pix.
I get bad head aches when I cry.I cried lots after Sun Shine left me with out one word.No warning.He just bolted off some place.
I found this comic strip I taped on my note book.I still think ppl are talking to me when I hear them on there cell phone.Why do ppl need cell phones just to buy grocerys?I lost my cell phone ages ago and am okay with out it.
I dont know whose feet these are or why I took and have kept this pic.
That floor sure needs a vacquming or sweeping bad.

Answered Prayer

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve;
I was made weak that I might learn humility to obey.
I asked for health; that I might do great things;
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked God for riches; that I might be happy.
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked God for power; that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need for God.
I asked for all things; that I may enjoy life.
I was given Life, that I may enjoy all things.
I received nothing that I asked, but every thing I had hoped.
I gained an answer to all of my prayers, despite myself.
I am among all men, undeservedly most richly blessed.
I copied this from one of my old diaries. I don't know whose the writer but it is relevent and hope filled to me and I hope to you to.
Peace be with you on this Friday and every day.

Even Joey Sun Shine Left Me

He talked like Kojak.He said Who loves you baby? all the time and I said I love you.He did not have a loly pop in his mouth.
He was not silly.
Us in the streets called him Joey Sun Shine.The reason is ppl smiled when ever Joey Sun Shine walked in.The fry chicken place or The Duchess.People seen Joey and there face lits up like sun.We were prettier to his eyes and we got better looking by them.His eyes was sweet mahogany color.
I met Joy after I got away from my old man that my folks set me up to live with and a pretty penny in echanges.
I got a way from him and I took back to prancing the pave ment in my cow girl boots.The owners of The Duchess was really good honest ppl.They let us all in who had no place to live.They kept us warm loitering with the paying custumers.I met some of my own custumers there.I was on lucky street in the place because there was always some lonley old men in need of some body heat.It was all I knew how to do and I was good at it.Not better then the other girls but at least I got to know the men.I got them to talk and i listened another good thing Im at.I was able to look in there eyes and believe that we where in real love. I had to believe that or else I felt dirty.
Warming up n The Duchess I saw a skinny guy come in.I watch him as I always do.He sat across from a lady and he took some thing out of his pants.He was smoking in those times you can smoke in places.After the lady left.I zoomed in on Joey.
Sitting across from him I was sizing him up.What ever was in his hands was gone.He asked my name I told him.
He had a luster in his eyes and a softness in his face.He asked me if I needed a leg massage and I said no.
He said he liked my dress and he said he was a leg man.
I seen him all the time after words.He always sat across some ladies and he had a poloroid camera and gave the ladies there pics for a dollar.Once when I came in and he was reading under the table.I got daring and grabed the magazine it was a porn magazine.I got happy to see that and I held it up for the other custumers and street ppl to look at.He was making motions to grab my neck then stop and the same over and over.I knew he will not grab my neck for real.I also realize it was not right at all to show his personal reads to the other ppl.
Joey use to take a mirror compact out of his pocket and use it to look up the ladies dresses.I knew this so I always cross my legs sitting with him.
He had two jobs sweeping out at the end of the night and he was saving for a VCR back then.
I was falling in love with Joey and we was together a long time.His mom sat on the porch all the time and I can not look at her when I passed.Joey did not want his nice mom to know he was with a pavement pouncer. She looked nice and old fashion sitting on the porch I was sad I can not meet or talk with her.She seemed like a real mother and a motherly mother.
I had his # his adress and his name.If he needed money I gave it and him the same.
He had a nice apartment with his mom.
When he walked in a place he arched his back to show off his hairy chest.He had lots of opened buttons on it.He walked like a lion real proud and mitey.
Then he left and I was heart broken.I called his mom.She dont tell me nothing.No body knew where he went.I started drinking more and gaining more weiht after.He was my first real sweet heart.I was not good enough for sure.And for years I thougt he will return for me and take me a way but he never did.I felt real betraded and I wished nobody ever called him Sun Shine.Real painful was the ppl who asked me where Sun Shine was and I did not know what to say.I didnt know and they expected me to know because we where so close.
He was a moth who come in the night to love me and may be he parished away.
I was young and pretty and thought I was loved.

Falling in Love all Afternoon

I been having stomache trouble since my last pity party.I did not want to write but I took benedryls to to try and fall a sleep on my drinking sprees.My stomache is acting up and in pains.At least it happens to be a good day to lay in bed sick.Nope it is never a good day to be sick and I want to be well but cant help it today.
I slept til 9 in the morning I usualy get up at 5.Today is Sidney Poutier Day on TCM.I love him!Handsome.I also fell in love with Rock Hudson this morning and then in love with Paul Newman.I feel all this love in side of me. I hear wedding bells in my head.
Later one of my favorite Poutier movies Patch of Blue is on about him and a blind girl.I saw 2 movies of his I never seen before.Paris Blues and All or Nothing.Now there showing a nother new Poiter movie.This one is not a romance nither was All or Nothing but I did not bat an eye lash watching them.
I hope I feel better but at least Im spending a romantic day with my television.