Theres Nothing To be Embarassed By

I try thinking that theres nothing to be embarassed about but I dont believe it.
Because of my size at any events I try finding a seat way in back.In the last row.Its always in my mind that I must be blocking some bodys view.
Besides big.Im also tall.
Some thing that always gets me mad is when greedy adults file in way ahead of time to get the best seat in the front.And theres children that cant see but the adults pretend they are not there.
When I was little.I had sever stomach problems. Passing boweles was so painful that I often had tears running down the whole time I spent on the toilet.
I was to embarrased to ever talk about it. I aproached my mom about it.But in that childish way where its some body elses problem. I told my mom I was watching the Merv Griffin Show and Merv said that when ever he had to use the toilet he feels cold first and the skin on his belly gets cold and then he gets a pain and he knows he needs the mens room.
These where my own symptoms. Of course I got no where trying to solve my problem this way.Mom just said that Merv Griffin must be a little weird if this is what he talks about on his show.
I dont like public toilets at all. I usally use the bath room a few times before leaving my apt.
so that I wont have contact with the toilet and I flush with my foot to.There was a real nice one where it flushes auto matically and the sinks had a sensor where your hands are under neath it flows and stops when you raise your hands. And the worste of all are the portico.Is that the right name where its just a plastic room with no running water just a hole in a seat. Those really gross me out and I get to naushous to use them.Theres flies in there to.
Last night I had meat balls that did not agree with me and I had gas pains all night.
Im drinking lots of water and I switched my ice tea from the powdered one with so much sugar to Twinings ice brewed tea.No sugar or aspartame.May be I will lose a little weht.Its late.Its geting cold.
I love the cold and its exilerating to me.Makes me feel fresh and all wide a wake.It good sleping weather to.
I love blankets and feeling snugly even thouh I sleep alone.I been sleeping so well.And I dont need the ac any more but I have a window fan blowing cold all over me.
No more sweating! No more puddle face.Im having good hair days and Im trying to lose weiht even thouh right now is sweater weather and no body can really tell if I lost or ained a few pounds.But I will tell and Im the one who counts for myself.